18 | Talking Sex Positivity: Navigating Body Ideals, Sex as a Learned Skill, and Improving Our Sexual Health with Dr. Celeste Holbrook

We believe in taking a holistic approach to our health and fitness, and we know that our sexual health is part of that. We speak with sexologist Dr. Celeste Holbrook on growing up in a conservative community, body ideals, how to open more conversations around sex, and how we can approach sex as a learned skill.

1:38 Dr. Celeste Holbrook is a sex educator using behavior change theory to enlighten individuals and partnerships on the topic of sex. Being a sexologist was not her goal career in her youth, but sex education became important to her after growing up in a conservative community and her own personal experiences.

8:40 We discuss how we can start becoming more open about sex by taking sex off of a “weird pedestal” and making it more approachable. It is a part of life, not the pinnacle, but modern messaging around sex suggests otherwise.

10:30 Sex is a learned skill that doesn’t always come naturally. Approaching it as such provides a more healthful dialogue around sex and open up conversation with partners, friends, and those near us.

13:00 Sometimes when working with a client we can utilize sex drive as a metric of our health, but sex is too contextual to use only as a metric of being fed, fueled, and rested. Libido can be a marker for health, but not always due to the context of what is going on in our lives. Libido also lives in a range, not only “high” or “low.”

17:01 There is no gauge for our libido, it is all in relation to what feels comfortable for us. Dr. Holbrook talks about the negotiation that is sex with a partner and how that is the best metric of a healthful sex life. Like everything else about our health, it is highly individualized.

19:14 Dr. Holbrook shares her strong views around the beauty industry and how our perception of beauty has been created by individuals around marketing table. While this idea is not unique to women only, it is experienced far more by those passing as women. We can take a harm reduction approach to feel best in our bodies and, as a byproduct, find a lot of compassion for others as well.

24:07 Regarding sex, we can take the approach that feels best and most comfortable for us and can also push back harder against ideals that have been sold to us. We can also take an approach to our bodies and body image that feels safe and gives us permission to live our lives best.

28:15 The body and beauty ideals that permeate “ideal sexuality” are the same that are pushed in the fitness industry. Dr. Holbrook gives some tips around changing the way we speak to ourselves and shifting the responsibility around beauty ideals.

31:18 We can foster more confidence in our sexuality by understanding what we want out of sex and then building behaviors that support those desires. Until we know what we truly want, we are just grasping at straws.

35:08 We share some perceived cultural differences between the US and the UK. Dr. Holbrook shares some of the messages that men receive around sex. There is a pervasive idea that we only allow a small amount of emotion from men, and this drastically impacts sexual experiences. Dr. Holbrook speaks about how a higher libido in men could be related to emotional regulation.

42:00 Responsibility is the biggest killer of arousal. We discuss how that challenges intimacy after having children and how shifting our idea of what connection and intimacy look like can do wonders.

CONNECT WITH CELESTE:
IG: @drcelesteholbrook
drcelesteholbrook.com

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